How to Comment On This Blog

In yesterday's world, commenting was an easy process to understand. If you had something to say, you said it. But looking through a list of modern comments may confuse you. There are those who still write helpful and important things. But among them are those who have caught onto current styles and fads, distinguishing themselves as cutting-edge and cool--and quickly confusing geezers like you. If you want to be like them, you may find that it is a lot of work. But it can be done. Here are the steps to help you do it.

How to Ask Out a Girl

It's not easy being a man. We have to... ...okay, it is easy being a man. But if you are a man, you will someday be faced with the brutal reality that if you want dates, you have to get them yourself. Asking a girl out can turn the most confident, cool, collected quarterback into a nervous wreck. That leaves people like you and me in a lot of trouble. But fear not. These instructions should help you get that cute girl on campus to agree to spend a few hours with you. And, if you're lucky, she won't fall in love with the quarterback before your big date.

How to Judge People By the Books They Read In Public

We all make judgments, from the time we first see someone until the last time we say goodbye. Nothing other people say or do seems to escape our scrutiny. We judge the food people eat, the metaphors they like to use, the clothes they wear, and the preachiness of their blog posts. Judging is great, so it's important to do it accurately. Today we will the learn the ancient and revered art of judging people by the books they read in public.

How to Write an Effective Resume

If you need a job, the universally important thing to have is a resume. This is, essentially, a list of your most important qualifications--including job experience, awards, and a personality summary. There are hundreds of guides on how to write a great resume. Some of them are very long. A resume is not a script, though. It's a chance for you to present yourself uniquely and professionally before your employer ever sees you. These steps should help you to create a resume that is engaging and effective.

How to Eat an Oreo

Oreos are among the most popular culinary devices in America. They are easily found in almost any grocery store or supermarket. But how do you use one? This question opens up a debate of many sides, each of which is well-defended. However, one of them is right, and the rest of them are wrong. What follows is the right way.

Warning: Improper use of an Oreo cookie can cause severe digestive problems.

How to Prove That Conservatives Are Right About Everything

(This is installment one of the series "Male-Cow Excretions: Politics and Meta-Legal Principles in America". It will be followed with wizened reflections on Liberalism and Libertarianism.)


Conservatism is truly an art. It defies every attempt by experts and politicians to try to apply it to real life; and yet, for the simple, rich folk, it reportedly fixes everything. No one truly understands this phenomenon. Every experiment has failed to produce a single solid explanation. The true artistry, though, is not in finding a single realistic principle in the conservative platform. No, it is in defending yourself fiercely and hotly to anyone who may or may not disagree. This is commonly regarded as the greatest sport to which right-wing citizens can attain. With a little instruction, there's no reason you can't include yourself in the growing assembly of blissful, wealthy people who do this.

How to Read This Blog

Many people know how terrifying it is to stare a blog in the face. Indeed, blogging is related to a higher rate of self-injury than any other activity, including playing "telescope" with the barrel of a shotgun. The cautious reader may prefer lighter forms of self-induced brain atrophy, such as watching The Office or getting married. But with practice, and this exclusive set of instructions, even you can become a relatively safe blog-reader.