In yesterday's world, commenting was an easy process to understand. If you had something to say, you said it. But looking through a list of modern comments may confuse you. There are those who still write helpful and important things. But among them are those who have caught onto current styles and fads, distinguishing themselves as cutting-edge and cool--and quickly confusing geezers like you. If you want to be like them, you may find that it is a lot of work. But it can be done. Here are the steps to help you do it.
You will need:
*An online business that sells lingerie, prescriptions, anime action figures, or cheap beer imported from Saudi Arabia.
*A good home security system. Some people hate hip comments, and will try to wreak revenge.
*A keyboard with caps-lock and the asterisk symbol.
*A favorite blog, where your chic commenting style will be appreciated.
Directions:
1. Prepare your comment ahead of time. This will serve many purposes. It will help you avoid last-minute nervousness, and also eliminate the work of re-typing your comment on every blog you visit. You might think that a good comment is relevant to the subject matter of the specific post, or at least to the blog. You would be wrong. Relevancy is obsolete.
2. Your comment should start with a solid line of asterisks, like so: "**********************". If you feel confident, two or three lines of asterisks is even better. Or best of all, create a cool picture using spaces and asterisks. People will be more positive about what you have to say if there is a huge, creepy smiley face before it and after it.
3. Write your message in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. This style is easier to read, and people are more likely to pay attention to it. Hot dog vendors speak loudly, and so should you.
4. The content of your message should be as follows: first, a link to your online business. Second, a list of every product you do or don't sell, with prices next to it. Helpful interjections like "AMAZING DEAL!" or "SEXY SEXY!" will draw attention to your higher-priced items.
5. When your inventory list is exhausted, add a few words of encouragement. Tell everyone that your inventory is limited, all your products are made with high-quality materials, and women love presents.
6. Add three more links to your site.
7. Garnish your comment with exclamation marks. Do you already have too many exclamation marks? Add more.
8. Post your masterpiece as a comment on several different blogs, as well as Youtube, Amazon, and Ebay. Enjoy the flood of appreciation and sales that you are sure to receive.
