You will need:
*A functional laptop or iPhone.
*A relatively loose definition of "morality", or a propensity for learning less acceptable forms of behavior.
*A swagger stick. No substitutes.
*A space of several hours in your schedule during which you had planned some very important work.
*Some basic information about me. The legal term for collecting this type of information is "stalking". However, some readers may prefer the "hostage-taking" method, which originated in Germany and is less secretive.
Directions:
1. Come to my house or apartment. If a physical disability makes this impossible, you may find me on the elevator for a few minutes on certain mornings.
2. You must obtain some sort of complete compliance. The recommended swagger stick is great for beating me into submission, and will probably work very quickly. Should I take your swagger stick from you, promptly take out your functional laptop or iPhone and resume beating. As a last resort, you should try scratching my head gently. The latter never fails and is only for emergencies.
3. Once you have obtained total submission, ask that I take you directly to the nearest computer. If I resist, or make any attempts at getting help, do not hesitate to beat me mercilessly. Discipline is important, and without it, you will take several unnecessary risks.
4. Several beatings along the way, just to keep me in line, are also helpful. Keep in mind, though, that obvious parts of my face and body are necessary tools in the completion of the overall task. Beat carefully around those areas.
5. Once you have reached the computer, demand to read this blog. The success of this task depends solely on your insistence, and your none-too-conservative use of the swagger stick. There will be several devices in my design that may make things difficult, but do not be discouraged. In the end, rhetorical and physical deterrents will only increase your sense of pride at finishing the job.
Note: There are several steps involved here on my part, but as long as you maintain firm control of my personal freedom, I should perform all of them capably.
6. Once the blog is easily visible on the computer screen (do not accept anything but the real blog--common imposters may include PowerPoint presentations or funny Youtube videos) remove me from my chair and read the words in front of you.
7. Once you are quite skilled at reading this blog, you may wish to experiment with the following challenges:
Scroll down: This is a technical process which heavily involves the swagger stick.
Clink links: Though more dangerous, the results of this task are often rewarding.
Special Disabilities: If you are vision impaired, there are several ways to coerce me into reading the text of my blog to you. As you perform steps one through five, you will probably discover what these are.
Directions:
1. Come to my house or apartment. If a physical disability makes this impossible, you may find me on the elevator for a few minutes on certain mornings.
2. You must obtain some sort of complete compliance. The recommended swagger stick is great for beating me into submission, and will probably work very quickly. Should I take your swagger stick from you, promptly take out your functional laptop or iPhone and resume beating. As a last resort, you should try scratching my head gently. The latter never fails and is only for emergencies.
3. Once you have obtained total submission, ask that I take you directly to the nearest computer. If I resist, or make any attempts at getting help, do not hesitate to beat me mercilessly. Discipline is important, and without it, you will take several unnecessary risks.
4. Several beatings along the way, just to keep me in line, are also helpful. Keep in mind, though, that obvious parts of my face and body are necessary tools in the completion of the overall task. Beat carefully around those areas.
5. Once you have reached the computer, demand to read this blog. The success of this task depends solely on your insistence, and your none-too-conservative use of the swagger stick. There will be several devices in my design that may make things difficult, but do not be discouraged. In the end, rhetorical and physical deterrents will only increase your sense of pride at finishing the job.
Note: There are several steps involved here on my part, but as long as you maintain firm control of my personal freedom, I should perform all of them capably.
6. Once the blog is easily visible on the computer screen (do not accept anything but the real blog--common imposters may include PowerPoint presentations or funny Youtube videos) remove me from my chair and read the words in front of you.
7. Once you are quite skilled at reading this blog, you may wish to experiment with the following challenges:
Scroll down: This is a technical process which heavily involves the swagger stick.
Clink links: Though more dangerous, the results of this task are often rewarding.
Special Disabilities: If you are vision impaired, there are several ways to coerce me into reading the text of my blog to you. As you perform steps one through five, you will probably discover what these are.
